I totally did it

WARNING. This post is about boobs, breastfeeding and boobs.

One of my goals for both Kiran and Rania was to be able to breastfeed them till they were one year old. I was able to do that with Kiran by being able to pump at work (woot!) but Kiran ended up getting formula supplements at daycare after around six months. Having to supplement with formula really bothered me and I hated this fact. Looking back, I wonder if it was necessary, I didn't have the confidence or the experience to know otherwise. I feel like I did a lot of things wrong with Kiran and the post pregnancy experience was pretty horrible and I totally wanted a do-over.

I totally got to have a do-over with Rania. My pregnancy with her was pretty uneventful but I was stressed. Stressed about all the things that grown ups stress about; especially grown ups that are preggo. So much so, Rania was four weeks early. I was not prepared for her early arrival but had to adapt real quick to the idea that her arrival was imminent. I should write her birthing story. That's for another day.

When Rania arrived, I knew of course that I would be breastfeeding her. She was early and the lactation consultant in the hospital advised me that I may have to supplement with formula in a bottle because she might not have a good suck yet. BOOO! I might have done that the 48 hours we were in the hospital. I didn't bring any formula home with me from the hospital, despite the fact that they practically shower you with it as parting gifts. I did, however, take the blankets. Keep it on the DL please.

With Rania home, and my boobs, and the rented hospital grade pump, we got off to a great start. Milk came in early and Rania was feeding, followed by expressed milk in a bottle (in case she wasn't strong enough to drain the breast). That went on maybe the first week or two, after that, it was definitely breast all the time. I was still pumping to boost supply and had a nifty stash in the freezer.

I started back at work when she was about 10 weeks and kept a fairly strict pumping schedule (you know me, gotta have a schedule) of three times a day, 10 minutes each time. I was never a champion pumper, truth be told, I dislike pumping. A LOT. But I dislike formula even more. I mostly kept to my schedule and was able to provide Rania with expressed breast milk to the daycare EVERY SINGLE DAY till she turned one year old (gestational age).

I totally did that. I totally fed my baby breast milk till she was one without having to supplement with formula. This makes ME happy because this is what I set out to do with Kiran but failed. I'm happy because I succeeded with Rania. So much so that I had a helluva time getting her to drink ANY other kind of milk. She's 14 months right now and still breastfeeding. She will not drink fridge milk if I'm around her. I have a suspicion that she's just not a big fan of milk, cow's milk or soy milk. She loves her some breast milk!

I am happy that I was successful, but I couldn't have done it with the capability to pump at work which is so totally crucial to being able to be successful. Taking pump breaks can be a chore and I was totally still working when I would take them, you know, writing emails, making phone calls, IMing. HILARIOUS business. Thank you to Schipul for being accommodating and pro-boob.

Although pumping allowed me to reach my goal, I'm so glad that I've weaned off the pump. Pumping is such a chore. I can't even begin to express what a pain in the ass it can be. It took a little while because Rania refused to drink any new kind of milk for so long. I started introducing her to fridge milk when she was 11 months and she really wasn't having it till she was about 13 and a half months. I stepped down from 3 pumping sessions to 2 a day, then 1 a day and then none.

Hooray!

Now, if I could only get Rania to sleep through the night.

Kiran Year ONE

Dear Kiran,

Today you're one! That's pretty amazing. This time last year your dad and I was waiting for you to get here. Then you got here and it was crazy. I know the first few months were tough for you being on the outside. It was tough for your dad and I too.

You've come so far and now you're on the verge of walking, which we know means that you're about to start RUNNING.

We love you.

Happy Birthday Kiranbean.

Please mark your calendars

Please mark your calendars. I have just had five (5) hours of uninterrupted sleep for the FIRST time since March 10, 2009.

Glorious sleep

Glorious sleep, originally uploaded by singaporegrrl.

Can you hear the Mormon Tabernacle Choir singing when this child sleeps?

I CAN.

Pretty sure that I'm certifiable

OK.

So I went back to work and lasted the week (yippee!). And then went back the following week and am sick again.

FARK.

And so is Kiran. Little sniffle here, little sniffle there.

I have a sore throat and a scratchy dry cough.

I'm not really impressed with this turn of events. Trying to stay strong but it's getting harder.

Good day today. I baked the cookies for Ray that I was gonna do on Father's day but didn't get a chance to. They are YUMMY!!!

I declare Sundays to be No-Limit-Cookie-Days. That's right, no limit!

Munchin is almost four months old. Can you believe it? Compare this photo of Kiran at 3 months

Now


Then (almost 3 months)


Then-then (a week old)

8 and a half weeks of motherhood

OMG and WTFrenchToast.

It's been eight and a half weeks since the munchkin arrived on the scene and turned everything all inside out and outside in.

Today is Mother's Day in the US. I'm not that excited though I am waiting for @rgayle to return with beignets, so I guess there are some perks to it. Even though I've been mothering 1 dog (dearly departed) and two DEMON cats for the past five years, it's not until the human baby arrived on the scene that it warranted making a beignet run for. Heh, not that I'm complaining!

Also for the first time, I have photographic evidence that Kiran and I togetha. For the first time evah!



**Update**
Beignets have been consumed and they were delish! Ray gave me a card from him and a card from Kiran that was addressed to "Mommie". OMG that made me cry.

ME.

CRY.

Black Stone Kerry.

What the hell is happening to me?

Then I opened the card from Ray. I turned the envelope over and he had written on the envelope, "My pen is hot ass."

I kid you not. I will post proof as soon as possible.

Apparently something about the pen smudging or blah blah blah.

Thank you Raymond. I love you.

Represent!

Kiran lounges on the Boppy pillow.

How could you not love that face?

LOVE IT.

So not crazy

OK. I've decided that I'm not crazy, well, at least not that crazy.

I just read "It sucked and then I cried: How I had a baby, a breakdown and a much needed margarita" (cover to cover in three days) by Heather Armstrong. Now *that* woman was crazy (certifiable) but oh so brave in her insanity. (Thank you Heather)

It's been five weeks since Kiran was born and I can honestly say that I was completely not prepared for the absolute horror of postpartum. ABSOLUTE HORROR.

If you ask me now about having a baby, I will say DON'T DO IT people! RUN! Run away!

No one can really prepare you for what it is really like. I can't even describe it. I don't think I have a bad baby or a colicky baby. I think I have a normal baby. Normal newborn babies scream. All. The. Time.

Yeah, you're thinking you know that babies scream, but unless you've actually had a child, there's just no way to express how the screaming, the what seems like non-stop screaming makes you feel.

Well, let me tell you, it makes you feel like you want to punch babies (no babies have EVER been punched by me) and that makes you ca-ray-zee. That makes you scream and slam doors and cry. And then feel guilty for slamming doors and crying and feeling crazy. As well as for wanting to return the baby, except that there's no one to return her to because she is yours. Which of course just leaves you feeling like a horrible shell of a woman masquerading as a mother.

Well now.

On the bright side, my horrid rash has left me. The doctors didn't know what caused it but I do. Obviously, I'm allergic to screaming newborn babies.

The screaming has gotten less and now there new more gentle sounds and sometimes, sometimes, there's a beautiful, pure smile that makes you forget about the screaming for a little while.

The other thing that could help you forget is a drink. Or well maybe a while lotta drinks. But I can't have a drink because I have elevated liver enzymes which are supposedly unrelated to the rash but I really think it is. I hope these enzymes go down so I can have a glass of wine or at least a Tylenol for fuck's sake.

You know that's not too much to ask., now is it?

So there you have it, people. I'm just a little bit crazy.

Right?

Photos of Ms. Kiran

Our baby girl is one week old today. I can hardly believe it. ONE WEEK already! Holy cow! We are getting into a routine here and getting to know one another.

Everyday I learn something new about her. I hope she is learning the same.