So not crazy
OK. I've decided that I'm not crazy, well, at least not that crazy.
I just read "It sucked and then I cried: How I had a baby, a breakdown and a much needed margarita" (cover to cover in three days) by Heather Armstrong. Now *that* woman was crazy (certifiable) but oh so brave in her insanity. (Thank you Heather)
It's been five weeks since Kiran was born and I can honestly say that I was completely not prepared for the absolute horror of postpartum. ABSOLUTE HORROR.
If you ask me now about having a baby, I will say DON'T DO IT people! RUN! Run away!
No one can really prepare you for what it is really like. I can't even describe it. I don't think I have a bad baby or a colicky baby. I think I have a normal baby. Normal newborn babies scream. All. The. Time.
Yeah, you're thinking you know that babies scream, but unless you've actually had a child, there's just no way to express how the screaming, the what seems like non-stop screaming makes you feel.
Well, let me tell you, it makes you feel like you want to punch babies (no babies have EVER been punched by me) and that makes you ca-ray-zee. That makes you scream and slam doors and cry. And then feel guilty for slamming doors and crying and feeling crazy. As well as for wanting to return the baby, except that there's no one to return her to because she is yours. Which of course just leaves you feeling like a horrible shell of a woman masquerading as a mother.
Well now.
On the bright side, my horrid rash has left me. The doctors didn't know what caused it but I do. Obviously, I'm allergic to screaming newborn babies.
The screaming has gotten less and now there new more gentle sounds and sometimes, sometimes, there's a beautiful, pure smile that makes you forget about the screaming for a little while.
The other thing that could help you forget is a drink. Or well maybe a while lotta drinks. But I can't have a drink because I have elevated liver enzymes which are supposedly unrelated to the rash but I really think it is. I hope these enzymes go down so I can have a glass of wine or at least a Tylenol for fuck's sake.
You know that's not too much to ask., now is it?
So there you have it, people. I'm just a little bit crazy.
Right?
I just read "It sucked and then I cried: How I had a baby, a breakdown and a much needed margarita" (cover to cover in three days) by Heather Armstrong. Now *that* woman was crazy (certifiable) but oh so brave in her insanity. (Thank you Heather)
It's been five weeks since Kiran was born and I can honestly say that I was completely not prepared for the absolute horror of postpartum. ABSOLUTE HORROR.
If you ask me now about having a baby, I will say DON'T DO IT people! RUN! Run away!
No one can really prepare you for what it is really like. I can't even describe it. I don't think I have a bad baby or a colicky baby. I think I have a normal baby. Normal newborn babies scream. All. The. Time.
Yeah, you're thinking you know that babies scream, but unless you've actually had a child, there's just no way to express how the screaming, the what seems like non-stop screaming makes you feel.
Well, let me tell you, it makes you feel like you want to punch babies (no babies have EVER been punched by me) and that makes you ca-ray-zee. That makes you scream and slam doors and cry. And then feel guilty for slamming doors and crying and feeling crazy. As well as for wanting to return the baby, except that there's no one to return her to because she is yours. Which of course just leaves you feeling like a horrible shell of a woman masquerading as a mother.
Well now.
On the bright side, my horrid rash has left me. The doctors didn't know what caused it but I do. Obviously, I'm allergic to screaming newborn babies.
The screaming has gotten less and now there new more gentle sounds and sometimes, sometimes, there's a beautiful, pure smile that makes you forget about the screaming for a little while.
The other thing that could help you forget is a drink. Or well maybe a while lotta drinks. But I can't have a drink because I have elevated liver enzymes which are supposedly unrelated to the rash but I really think it is. I hope these enzymes go down so I can have a glass of wine or at least a Tylenol for fuck's sake.
You know that's not too much to ask., now is it?
So there you have it, people. I'm just a little bit crazy.
Right?
posted by singaporegrrl at 1:03 AM
6 comments
