Sunday, August 28, 2005

No compromise

Today I encountered something that I have never encountered before. I was getting my hair done at the salon by H2O when she told one of the other stylists that I was getting married. Dude immediately said, "don't do it, don't do it". My first internal reaction was, "How are you going to tell someone that is getting married that they shouldn't do it? That's so bloody rude." He quoted the miserable statistics that we all know about marriage and said that everyone thinks that they are going to be the one that falls through the cracks and that their marriage will last. I said that you have to work to have a successful relationship. He said that "relationships should'nt be work, I have a job, I don't need two." At this point, I'm shocked, because I've just never encountered such ignorance or maybe arrogance. We then launched into a conversation about how you need to be able to change and grow and compromise. He said flatly, no. He likes who he is, is not gonna change for anything, or anyone, for any reason. He feels that consistency is the most important virtue that he posesses.

I said that one has to make a conscious decision to have a relationship, to have a successful relationship, you have to be active in it. It just doesn't happen by itself, you're not on autopilot. He responded by saying that perhaps that might be why his previous relationships have failed.

We talked a little bit more about the topic and we ended the conversation amicably. But in my head I'm thinking how sad it is that this man feels this way. He is in a relationship right now and has a child from a previous relationship that he is active in raising. He seems to be really smart, creative, talented at what he does. We just have completely different viewpoints on certain things which is no surprise. I just have never met someone so diabolically opposed to yielding to another point of view. Granted, he did listen to a different point of view. But he was absolutely not willing to concede on any point. I guess we all do that to a certain point but to be so outright uncompromising and proud of it. Wow.


Blogger Daryl said...

Somewhere in High Fidelity, Rob (the protagonist) complains to Laura that "she's changed" and she rightfully and wisely points out that sometimes, one does change - and indeed, it's kind of a sign of being stuck that one stays constant.

8:51 AM  

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